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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive breakdown to the words this generation is using to navigate love, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks signaling a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits validate your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly benign quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {