Nighttime Comics Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's top comedians spent their evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," portraying it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic Christmas tune directed at the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he handles."

The subject was the new program which enables overseas individuals to purchase U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for five million. An official website promises processing "in record time."

"One note here to affluent applicants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, with significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choice – if it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The best background check the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"It might be time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll numbers amid economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a effort to tackle prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.